The Art of Friendship

I will admit, this concept of "friendship" is something i feel like i struggle with. But in this admittance, i completely acknowledge that these are self inflicted struggles. Life for me is a constant battle of not thinking i'm good enough (i suppose i'll elaborate on that at a later time), so of course the negative thought carries over into how i see myself maintaining (or not) my friendships.

I think most people see me as a social butterfly of sorts, in terms of the amount of people i know and activities of my past. I spent my whole 20s doing videography, writing/performing and organizing parties, events, major tours, etc... and as a result, i've met a bunch of people, in addition to the people you generally meet through friends and family. But now that i'm in my thirties, most of the other activities have fallen away and i strive to focus my energies on raising my son and the wonderful man that puts up with me and all of my madness. However, i still long to have friends, people outside my household that need me. Someone that i can call when one of my cooking experiments goes awry, or i start beating myself up for not writing in the blog i was determined to have, for a week. I'd like to have girlfriends i can call up and say, hey let's go out! and they say yes, just because they enjoy spending time with me. Or friends that make sure i get invites to their social gatherings, birthday parties and such, because, again, they enjoy being in my company. Back to my original statement - i know, these are my issues, there is nothing wrong with the friends i do have, they are great people, but me being me, i always want to know what i can do to make the relationship better. I want to go from a C list friend to an A List friend, and i'm not quite sure how to make that happen.

Taking matters into my own hands, as opposed to sitting around pouting about the situation, i am reaching out to people more. Lately i've started going out again, i really enjoy performing my work, and i found out last thursday, that i'm much better at it now :) So in order to have friends, i'm trying to be a better friend, and not so much of a hermit. When you invite me to your event, i promise i will come, or if i can't, i will absolutely let you know. If you call me, i will call you back (though you'll probably get a quicker response through text or email). Be patient with me, i'm just relearning this dance.