When Love Isn't Enough

i'm real big on the thought that you have to accept people as they are. it doesn't mean that you don't want them to grow and be the best they can be, or even that you aren't willing to assist in that process, but you have to look at where folks are and make the determination if where they are right now fits with who you are and what benefits there are to maintaining a relationship. This thinking isn't exclusive to romantic relationships either. I think all positive relationships, at the end of the day, should leave you with a smile on your face. That being said, a positive relationship shouldn't leave you feeling that you're not good enough. I don't mean in that mushy way, like "oh he's so good to me, i don't deserve him", i mean in the way where you question if you actually hold any significance in this person's life, or a place in their heart. With that being said, sometimes, the way that others show love simply isn't enough, and i'm owning that there is nothing wrong with making that decision and moving on.

They're Trying to Walk Away With My Stuff

for a little bit, i've been wondering why the media is pushing this "black women will never find men" agenda, and though i've seen several plausible explanations, nothing quite felt right, then, all of a sudden it hit me. Black women live on faith. we carry it with us like armor. Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, concept or thing. We instill this in our children when we tell them that we believe they can rise above their current environment, and teach them to be the best they can be, we have faith that they will succeed. For those women that find themselves single, there is also the faith that they will ultimately find someone to share their life with, and that all they have to do is turn the right corner, go to the right church or supermarket, or even (god forbid) show up at the right club, and he'll be there, waiting to sweep you off your feet. Not saying that this way of thinking is completely productive, clearly one must do some self work before they can attract a proper mate, but for many, this is one of the things that keeps them going and taking the necessary steps to living a life that they feel will prepare them for this proper mate, but if this belief is crushed by statistical "facts and figures", what is there to hold onto, if the numbers are telling me i'm destined for loneliness.

Self images of black men have been destroyed by media's disproportionate projections of them committing crimes, being womanizers and not able to provide for their families, not to mention the whole thing with black men actors having to wear dresses. The images of black women have been destroyed by the over sexualization we see in videos, the "welfare queen" seen on every news station, and the nanny character that we've played forever. So there is already a situation where men and women look at each other with apprehension and disdain, based on what is pumped into their minds on a daily basis, but black women have always been willing to look for that silver lining in the brothers that have shared their external struggles. Now, media is telling you on a repeated basis to give up, there's nothing there for you.

So let's do the math. To create a family, you need a man and a woman to produce a child. If you first remove the man, an existing child may grow, but that father figure is missing and imbalance can show itself because of that lack, but a woman will raise her child with the thought in the back of her mind, that one day there will be someone to there offer support. If you now take the mother and tell her no, there will be no one there, the thought she's held onto is now crushed, and the focus goes from "one day my prince will come", to "there's never been a prince for me, so to heck with it all", which then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that is also passed to her child. We've already established, that both a man and woman are needed to produce a child, but if you have now effectively removed the two from each other's line of sight, then the union necessary for the foundation of a family to occur, is no longer possible.

don't let them win

Really Men It's Not Your Fault & Why I'm Mad at Badu

ok, i'm going to break woman code and just flat out admit it, we're crazy. 100% bat shit most of the time. it doesn't mean that we aren't brilliant and capable of maintaing families, conquering the world and all that, but it does mean that we tend to have moments and thoughts that completely contradict what we know to be true. and sometimes we take these thoughts and create gigantic mountains, complete with mount rushmore type intricacies carved into this monument that we created with our minds. that being said, i'll get to the point.

i spend a lot of time on facebook, not always actively engaged, but generally with my page up, usually hoping someone will post a bit of useful information or some fun thought for me to nibble on. but occasionally, i run across one of my male friends posting a pic of a woman in some stage of undress, and inevitably with her ass out (black men like asses...which is why i'll never understood the white girl thing, but i digress...) and it offends to no end. i try to justify my offensiveness by going on my moral high horse about the degradation of women, and how we're more than sex objects, yada yada yada....but the truth is, my issue is my ego. to my knowledge, i have never been one of those girls/women, that men fawn over in that way. when men talk to me, they compliment me on my mind and the ability to get things done, and the perception that i stay positive, which is great, and i wouldn't trade in the respect that comes with that for anything....ok, this is where the crazy comes in, however, us thinking women still want to know that we're sexually attractive. so, listening to brothers go on & on about badu's booty, and seeing the posts of whatever nameless jawns and the rants about that just makes me wonder what i'm doing wrong - other than keeping my clothes on.

life, i wonder....

i feel like i live on love. i strive to focus on the positive, even if the negative is staring me down. but even still, i feel as though i'm numb to a lot of things around me. stuff just doesn't move me. when people ask my opinions, i generally say "sure". which is an affirmative, but clearly not the same as saying YES! i want to say YES! and genuinely feel that excited about what i'm doing. but i feel that this would require a level of passion that i'm just not sure if i still possess. i think living might have finally beaten it out of me...as a result, i get frustrated, because i feel my life living in sepia tones, which are beautiful, but not the same as full color. what i'm looking for within myself is how to get back to full color, even in new and improved imax 3D :)

Not Owning Selfish

i'll be the first to admit, i probably need to let a lot of stuff go. much like the clothes in my closet, i need to pull everything out and be honest about what does work and doesn't, and anything that doesn't needs to get tossed. i've been doing this somewhate emotionally, but i got stuck on selfish. i've been called selfish, and really, i just don't se it and i'm not owning it. there are absolutely times when i have acted in a selfish way, but i think we all do at times, however, my general characteristic is not one of selfishness. i don't yell on a mountain top the personal sacrifices i've made, there's no need to for me, i did them because that's what needed to get done, because some aren't aware of those sacrifices, i'm not going to allow myself to feel victimization by not being understood and classified as selfish because i think differently than others.

yeah yeah, i'm a slacker

so i haven't posted since dec...that kinda sucks. i still don't really have anything to say, i just want to stop ignoring the fact that i have a blog. i want to write and express myself, but apparently everything has to happen through the filter of not offending people. i'm sorry, i'm kinda offensive. i have a real asshole side that i need to be able to let out at times, so i can go back to kumbayaing. so hello world. i'll try to do better :)

Me & My Daddy Issues

I find it somewhat ironic that i'm writing this on the day following my Dad's birthday...but let me even clarify that statement, when i say "dad" i'm referring to the person my mom married who raised me from the time i was 9.

This post is prompted from me reading about Molefi K Asante Jr, son of Molefi K Asante, basic founder of Afrocentricity. I was reading about how at 25, he is a great filmmaker, author and proffesor. He went to college in London, and has been able to work with all these classic African-American icons. The fact of the matter is, he was able to do all this in large part because of who his father is. This is the type of life my brother and sister will have. My brother and sister who are raised by my father, the person physically responsible for my existence. He and my mother split when i was two, so i missed all the influential years. My father is completely self made, raised in one of Philly's roughest sections, he now lives in the DMV suburbs, in a house that was built specifically for him & his family and drives a cayenne. He's a professor, does business consulting and has his own private equity firm. I am more proud of all that he's accomplished, than i think he could ever realize, but the fact is, he will be able to provide a life for my brother and sister that is financially far beyond anything that would have been possible for me to experience growing up. These are the connections that seperate those with dreams, from those with possibilities. My brother and sister have the world as their oyster and are able to have daily conversations with individuals the world over who affect whole groups of people. this is what they were born into. I was born in a hospital in west Philly that doesn't even exist anymore. My mom and dad clearly provided everything they could for me, but there are basic economics. I got accepted to NYU, but went to Temple, of course it's a great school, i loved my college experience, but it's not NYU.

I guess i just feel like i'm missing something. I have dreams of changing the world, and clearly if my father can do it on his own, i can to. But it hurts me to my core to know that i'll have to, when my brother and sister won't. It's the epitomy of that saying "so close, yet so far" and i don't know how to handle that, what i'm supposed to do with it, if anything. I'm tired of saying to myself that i'm going to be successful, despite certain people. I want to be successful because someone saw something in me that said i was worth helping, i guess because that's how i look at people, and everyone is worth helping if you are able.